***EXCLUSIVE**

McDonald's is keeping Kobe as a spokesman. And they have a 
NEW commercial all set to go. Said once senior adviser, "Kobe
is perfect for out latest product."

[ Swooping helicopter zoom in-shot of a McDonald's ]

VOICEOVER: McDonald's has always been your favorite place to
           get a hamburger.

[ Picture of Kobe with some kids hanging out in the
  play area of a McDonald's ]

VOICEOVER: Now, not only do we have hamburgers, but we have
           foot long hot dogs!

KOBE: Who here wants to taste a truly huge wiener?

[ All the kids scream and run away ]

KIDS: AHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

[ Close up of Kobe shrugging then make a lot of weird
  facial contortions. ]

VOICEOVER: Only at McDonald's, The Foot Long Kobe!

SFX: McDonald's Music

[ Ronald McDonald comes in and sits by Kobe, he puts
  his clown arm on Kobe's shoulder. ]

RONALDMCDONALD: It's okay Kobe. I think you're. . .

KOBE: Back off faggot!

[ Kobe beats the living snot out of Ronald McDonald. ]

KOBE: If I wanted that kind luvin' I'd go to prison. Oh
      wait. I am.

VOICEOVER: McDonald's is your kind of place!

[ END ]