hey my long lost buddy is cross posting.......  He needs attention.

yaya wrote:

> la n. wrote:
>
> >"yaya" <yayajon@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> >news:%jfxb.46182$M31.1179036@twister.tampabay.rr.com...
> >
> >
> >>Hi Nilo,
> >>Sorry it took me so long, but I had to think about this.  Your questions
> >>are intriguing.
> >>
> >>
> >
> >Worth the wait, dahlin' ....
> >
> >
> >
> > >
> >
> >
> >>>>I think culture has a lot to do with it.  My culture is very old, and
> >>>>it has learned a lot from its ancestors.  Yes, we have our abusers
> >>>>and wife beaters and the bossy wives and the like, as do all cultures;
> >>>>but aside from these people, I could safely say that over 80% of
> >>>>the marriages in my land are blissfully successful.  This really
> >>>>works, Nilo.  It saved my marriage.
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>You know, Yahya?  This thing about culture is very intriguing.
> >>>For those who don't know, Yahya is originally from Iran.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>Howdy folks.  I also go by the name yaya.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>>In
> >>>another group in which I participate (in another language), we
> >>>have discussions/debates revolving around culture and religion,
> >>>and the differences therein, especially in the arab countries.
> >>>You are Christian as opposed to Muslim, so from your
> >>>perspective, what would your shared culture be?
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>The funny thing is that, in a way, I am still a Muslim!  Prophet
> >>Mohamad believed that the Mesiah has come, that Jesus was
> >>the Mesiah, that He was born of a virgin through the power of
> >>God, and that He will come again.  He denies, however, the
> >>death and ressurection of Jesus; and that is where he and I
> >>part ways.
> >>.
> >>Anyway,  where were we?  Oh, yeah, culture!  To be honest,
> >>I am not sure how to define shared culture!  In a way, my
> >>culture is a mix of Iranian and American and Muslim and
> >>Christian.  Help me understand the question better.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >
> >Interestingly, Yaya, I have a Muslim friend (ex-Christian)who says
> >that Jesus is very prevalently discussed in the Koran.  And my
> >friend says that he loves and understand Jesus more now as a
> >Muslim than he did as a Christian.
> >
>
> I have no problem with Islam.  I do, however, have a serious problem
> with the Muslim leadership who have so perverted the religion!
>
> >Anyway, I'm wondering which aspect of your "culture" makes
> >marriages 80 per cent "blissfully successful".  And how did
> >that "save" your marriage?
> >
> >I'm not being snoopy; I'm just wondering what the "secret"
> >is.
> >
>
> You  do realize that the culture is totally different than what you
> are used to!  Arranged marriages have been and still are (in many
> regions) a common practice.  Parents will meet with the parents
> of the prospect spouse and find a mate who is raised with the
> similar principals and values as their son or daughter.  In Christianity
> we call it being equally yoked.  That, believe it or not, is one of
> the most important factors in a blissful marriage.  They normally
> marry them young, 15 or 16 for the boys and 13 or 14 for the
> girls.  The kids live with one or the other family until they are old
> enough to start their own lives, and during that time they gain the
> support and the wisdom of the parents who teach them and help
> them through the difficult times.
>
> One of the things that I was taught was to accept and never
> expect, and that is what saved my marriage.  After 10 or so
> years of marriage, my first wife, Cathy, began to change.  She
> became an intolerable bitch.  Things got so bad that I finally
> asked her mom to talk to her, since I was about to divorce
> her.  Sobbing, her mom told me that the doctors had predicted
> that this might happen.  Cathy had a brain aneurysm that
> eventually cost her life.  This aneurysm was putting pressure
> on her brain and was changing her personality.  There was
> something about the realization that her action was not out
> of malice that made everything change.  That is when I
> remembered the old teaching and realized that the only
> reason I was miserable with her was because I was expecting
> more than she was capable of delivering.  I stopped expecting
> and started accepting.  That changed everything.  When I
> started to put her needs above my own, our marriage began
> to bloom again.  Our relation changed from the physical to
> the spiritual and I began to reach her in a level that I never
> could when she was healthy.  Even though her disease
> continued to destroy her brain, she knew I loved her totally
> and adoringly, and she loved me as deeply.  She lived the
> remainder of her life in peace and harmony, and I felt blessed
> beyond description.
>
> I have been re-married for a little over six years now.  My
> present wife, Kathy, is smarter than I am.  Our relationship
> is so very different than what I had with Cathy, but it is as
> blissful.  I have brought the same attitude into this new
> marriage-  accept all and expect none.  When I expect,
> the best she can do is to meet with my expectations.  When
> I do not expect, everything that she does for me is a gift
> that strengthens our bond.  Of course their are limits!  If
> she cheats on me she is out the door.  I expect loyalty; but
> that is where being equally yoked comes in.  I know
> her and I know, with relative confidence, that she will
> never do that to me.  What I am talking about is the little
> expectations.  A Persian proverb says that drops gathered
> together will make an ocean.  Little expectations, gathered
> together, can destroy a marriage.  Kathy works hard, and
> many times she comes home exhausted.  So, when I get
> home, I do not expect a warm meal ready at the dinner
> table.  Sometimes  she cooks and sometimes I cook the
> dinner, and sometimes we go out to dinner.  This may
> sound like a petty thing, but to her it means the world.
> Most of  the men I know think that sex begins and ends
> in the bedroom; but I have learned from my father that
> sex, or at least foreplay, begins in the kitchen.  Their is
> nothing more sensual than helping my wife with rinsing
> the dishes or rubbing her back when she is cooking, or
> cuddling with her in bed when she has her period.  She
> knows and understand that she is a lot more to me than
> a sex pot; and when she is mine, she is mine because she
> wants to be.  Again this may sound like a petty thing;
> but being allowed to have a say in sharing the most
> intimate part of herself is something that means a lot to
> her.
>
> I know Kathy is happy with me because she continuously
> satisfies my greatest need as a man- the need to feel
> wanted and important.  Kathy brags about me to her
> friends and peers.  Every time I have met any of her
> co-workers, they have told me that they have heard a
> lot of good things about me.  This may sound petty to
> women, but I don't think that their is any man who
> doesn't feel good about being lifted up by the love of
> his life.
>
> The secret is in Accepting and not Expecting (as we
> do when we are dating), and placing the need of our
> mate above our own.  Every day I look forward to
> going home because I know I am going home to
> someone who is happy to see me; and that, my dear
> friend, is what I call a blissful marriage.
>
> >Salam,
> >
> >la n.
> >
>
> Salam.
> Yahya