Subject: | How to Irritate the IRS
| Date: | Sat, 24 Apr 2004 21:30:02 +0200 (CEST)
| From: | starwars <nobody@tatooine.homelinux.net>
| Newsgroups: | alt.california,la.general,nyc.general,pa.general,soc.culture.israel
|
How to Irritate the IRS
1. Always put extra paper clips on your forms. Any foreign fasteners
or the like have to be removed and put away.
2. Always put staples in the right hand corner. Go ahead and put them
down the whole right side. The extractors who remove the mail from
the envelopes have to take out any staples on the right side.
3. If you send two checks, they'll have to staple your unsightly
envelope to your half destroyed form.
4. If you're very unfortunate and have to pay taxes, send two or
three party check. On top of paying with a third party check, pay one
of the dollars you owe in cash. When an extractor receives cash, no
matter how small an amount, he has to take it to a special desk and
fill out of few nasty forms.
5. Line the bottom of your envelope with Elmer's glue and let it dry
before you put in you forms, so that the automated opener doesn't
open it and the extractor has to open it by hand.
6. Never arrange paperwork in the right order, or even facing the
right way. Put a few upside down and backwards. That way they have to
remove all your staples, rearrange your paperwork and re-staple it
(on the left side).
7. Sign your name in ink on every page. Any signature has to be
verified and then date stamped. These are just a few of the fun and
exciting things you can do with the IRS. These methods are ONLY
recommended when you OWE money.
8. When you mail it, mail it in a big envelope (even if its just a
single EZ form). Big envelopes have to be torn and sorted differently
than regular business size ones. An added bonus to the big envelope
is that they take priority over other mail, so the workers can hurry
up and deal with your mess.
9. Write a little letter of appreciation. Any letter received has to
be read and stamped regardless of what it is or what it's on.
10. Write your letter on something misshapen and unconventional. Like
on the back of a supermarket sack.
11. If they owe you money, being nice helps.
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